I mean, really. It's not like I've won the lottery or anything, but the more I stay busy, the more I notice the things I want to happen, do happen. I've thought about the situation a great deal. From a common sense point of view it would stand to reason that since I'm keeping myself very busy, the time is passing by much easier while I'm paying attention to the tasks at hand. Furthermore, since I'm not exactly paying attention to the rapid time passage, I have no need to be very patient, which is a great relief. My chiropractor (or the one I'm seeing at any rate) offered to sponsor me through a program to become a chiropractor including writing up a letter of recommendation. He says this is just because of the positive, relaxed feeling he gets from me, also that he thinks my temperament is perfect for the profession. I have an endearing demeanor that wold put clients at ease. Interesting prospect. I mean, wow. Odd though how it just appeared today.
This is what I'm talking about. Also, been wanting a new bike to get around on. The idea is that I can ride it to school twice a week for exercise, and to work, since I will now be working less than two miles away at KavaSutra. I'm kind of excited about this change of pace. I'm way too laid back for Chili's. I could work a fine dining bar or catering, because I'm easy going and those jobs require a calm personality. I can handle that in the right environment. I don't like the extreme break-neck pace at Chili's anymore. People are just too damned impatient. I'm able to calm folks down pretty well, but I don't feel that I should have to. The kitchen is the cause of about 3 out of 4 problems I run into. The rest is a combo of miscommunication between me, the guest and the kitchen, or me being somewhere else in my mind all the time. I'm not at work in my head. I'm at home studying my books. It's hard for me to bring into focus all the things I need to get in order and working at a fast paced job like Chili's requires far more energy and attention than I have to spare, rather, that I'm willing and able to spare.
So got the Scion's windows tinted today (after four years of driving her around). I found a great deal on Groupon and got the best I could afford with the discount. She looks like a whole new girl. Okay, maybe she just has new shades, but the car is noticeably cooler in the sun than it was this morning. I consider it an investment in personal comfort. I also got the prep call for delivery on my new Tempurpedic bed, which should be here midday tomorrow. I'm chucking out the old one (they're actually removing it for me). I have to move the bedroom around again. It's time for that anyway. The seasons are changing, the sun is rising much earlier and lighting up the room. I'm going to face the bed away from the window so it's not in my eyes, detach the nightstands and put them together at the foot where I will place a television. I'm also going to move my desks in there for school work and such so I have a set up ready to go when I need to work. My living room needs to be more comfort and less work. trying to do anything in here is counter-productive. It's time for a radical change around here.
Given that I've been more and more tense and uncomfortable, I've been hunting for a new bike. Something more adult. Not a BMX bike. I'm not 16 anymore. I fall down go boom now, break bones. So, less tricks, more exercise and stress relief. Also, I'm simply out shape. I'd like to get my heart and lungs back up to par with non-smokers, so I can play and have more fun with my life. Also looking to give up drinking for fun, as well as all types of smoking in favor of vaporizing. I'm in love with my new Vape for nicotine. I don't care about the long term risks right now, it has to be better for you than breathing in burning smoke. It has to. The flavors I'm the most taken with so far have been "waffles," which tastes exactly like the name suggests, syrup-less waffles. It's glorious. The second is "Apple Pie a la Mode." It's an amazing approximation of the namesake.
And although I've been eating pretty much all preprepared food lately, I'm trying to give that up in favor of cooking at home. Yet another reason to leave Chili's. I'm too beat after work to motivate myself to cook. That's bad. Leaving this job is going to make very many bad habits, just, well, inconvenient. I cannot be happier about the prospect of less bad habits. I need to shake things up. I've gotten to comfortable in my ways.
It'd be nice to find a pretty young lady to spend my time with, but as I was telling my Army buddy Jason the other night. I simply have no patience for that stuff right now. I either have to find someone who's exceptionally well adjusted and motivated to live and be happy, or I have to wait until I can tolerate another project person. I see my disappointments in each person I try to get something going with and that's why they never work out. Until I can move past that I won't be ready for anything real. I disagree with Scott however that things have to be completely unanimous once you become a long term couple. I don't believe that you are not able to travel on your own once in a great while once you're in a relationship, especially in a situation where one of you doesn't know anyone and probably wouldn't enjoy the overall experience under the circumstances. I'd expect my SO to go on the trip and have a good time with a lifelong friend getting married if it wasn't easy for me to make the trip.
Then again, as Scott so kindly reminded me, I've never been in a long term relationship. The closest thing was with Megan in high school. That was, for the most part, healthy and stable, until she started "maturing" as she put it. In my words, that means liking other people and breaking up. Scott states that once I understand that woman are, in the hunter gatherer sense, always looking for the next threat, large or small, to themselves and their loved ones. Once I'm able to address that in everything I do in the relationship, I'll be able to have one. That sounds not only cynical, but ridiculous in a modern society. The idea that I think it's silly probably means that it's true. Most of the time I can comprehend people's collective idiosyncrasies, and I'm even willing to allow them to continue without my approach to some extent, but I'll say here and now that it is unlikely I'll ever understand women, what they really want, and why I'm so likable but un-date-able. I don't understand what women in general want because what the zeitgeist of society says women desire tends to differ radically from what actually seem to want based on consistent behaviors. I don't understand why women in relationships flirt with me... at all. I don't understand why that conversation even occurs unless you're thinking about pursuing other options. This happens all the time. I'm being hit on by women that are taken. WTF? Also, when I approach anyone I know to be single, they tend to get all weird on me, as if I should not be trying at all, like I'm wearing wedding ring or something. Consistent, constant disappointment in this area has basically created a state of being called "shikatta ga nai" by the Japanese. Translated it means, "There is nothing that can be done about it." I just don't care anymore. It's distinctly possible that I'm better off on my own. While I want nothing more that to be in a happy, healthy relationship that makes me feel good, it's just not happening. Older, younger, same age, white, black, latina, it just doesn't matter. I've never felt less attractive. And I'm probably the best looking I've been in my life. How fair is that? Ugh.
I need this new bed. And the new bike. Good sleep and blowing off steam will do me a lot of good.